It is all about patience. Art is an act of patience and it is in that part I fail. I am too eager and too impatient. I make my very best but I get tired in the middle, when I still have the potential to do more. And so, I land where I do. Somewhere in the middle. I am not bad at drawing, but I am not good either. Somewhere in between, somewhere in the middle. It is not good enough, because I know I can do more. If only I had the patience. If only I knew when to stop.
With this fake journal I am making an attempt to do more. Do different. Be J.E.P. He, who, ironically become a cliché: when in the right mood, he draws his girlfriends, and they – of course – are beautiful, if not only in his own eyes. They are more or less naked – obviously – because that is how he likes them the most. Or he paints in his less mature way. And oh, have I tried to make those drawings and failed: military men or animals with big machine guns.
Oh, why do you have to be such a cliché?
And why do you have to have such a male chauvinist pig attitude towards this poor girl?
Anyway, he is maturing through the novel, no doubt about it. This is in the beginning. He is all young and stupid.
J.E.P. please show me you can do better than this? Draw better? And not just half dressed girls and weapons, please?
I got the idea from a friend on Facebook. The month for a fake journal is, according to her, the month of April, starting with April’s Fools Day. That makes sense, but as I just came to know the idea, I am starting now, and as a creative writer. I want to do a fake journal of my main character in my current novel project, J.E.P. And so this is his journal. I started by adding a “This journal belongs to”… Followed by an empty page for a self portrait. And then, this page followed. It is meant to be a portrait he has made of a certain side character, but now I am not really sure, it might be her, because the eye colour and the shapes of the eyes are right… I guess this is just in the beginning of part two of this novel. Right where I am editing now (third draft). I have tried to draw his way, but I don’t know if I really made it. Time will tell. Also, I think I managed to write with his type of writing, although my hand starts to fumble and try to make shapes the way I am used to as myself. Even so, it is a fun experience to try and journal as somebody else. Anyway, this is his image of her and this is his poem about her (in her absence; he is longing; of course he is).
(Credit to Roz Stendahl with the blog http://officialinternationalfakejournalblog.blogspot.se/ who came up with the idea in the first place.)